Bitterness

bitter is best when it's come to a piece

in this world, peace is the best, and as i thought...love is best when it's sweet. Pointless if it's only full of betrayal, it's hurt the most when the thorn touches your heart deeply. even though this chocolate is bitter, but only by this bitterness the thorn covered up.
and bitter is best when it's come to a piece.

I knew you were trouble - Taylor Swift

Once upon time
A few mistakes ago
I was in your sights
You got me alone
You found me
You found me
You found me

I guess you didn't care
And I guess I liked that
And when I fell hard
You took a step back
Without me, without me, without me

And he's long gone
When he's next to me
And I realize the blame is on me

Cause I knew you were trouble when you walked in
So shame on me now
Flew me to places i'd never been
So you put me down oh
I knew you were trouble when you walked in
So shame on me now
Flew me to places i'd never been
Now i'm lying on the cold hard ground
Oh, oh, trouble, trouble, trouble
Oh, oh, trouble, trouble, trouble

No apologies
He'll never see you cry
Pretend he doesn't know
That he's the reason why
You're drowning, you're drowning, you're drowning

And I heard you moved on
From whispers on the street
A new notch in your belt
Is all I'll ever be
And now I see, now I see, now I see
He was long gone
When he met me
And I realize the joke is on me

I knew you were trouble when you walked in
So shame on me now
Flew me to places i'd never been
So you put me down oh
I knew you were trouble when you walked in
So shame on me now
Flew me to places i'd never been
Now i'm lying on the cold hard ground
Oh, oh, trouble, trouble, trouble
Oh, oh, trouble, trouble, trouble

When your sadest fear comes creeping in
That you never loved me or her or anyone or anything
Yeah

I knew you were trouble when you walked in
So shame on me now
Flew me to places i'd never been
So you put me down oh
I knew you were trouble when you walked in
So shame on me now
Flew me to places i'd never been
Now i'm lying on the cold hard ground
Oh, oh, trouble, trouble, trouble
Oh, oh, trouble, trouble, trouble

I knew you were trouble when you walked in
Trouble, trouble, trouble
I knew you were trouble when you walked in
Trouble, trouble, trouble!

Christopher's 17yo birthday

on Nov 29th /2012. yesterday, christopher ,well usually i call him toto or piggy, my one of boybestfriend held his birthday it was in Central park near our school and we ate in "Shabu Slim".
he treated so many people,count me in, then his girlfriend (one of my girlbestfriend) clairine,gio,ferry,owen,lele,dila,shanti,albert,arvin,michael,jumo,jutang,tirta,andy,erik...to tell the truth,my mind was so loud with some kind of voice like "what a nice boy..that's really is my bestfriend! :D " LOL. but not only him, buttt ALLLL my besfriend are trully great,nice,and yeah,you can imagine that,nevertheless the ain't going to cause troublesome thingy.
and here's some stupid photo taken :D
and sorry i've just take the photo which is contain me inside :')

Water-Ripple

yes project gua kali ini ga gua buat pake manual tangan lagi, kali ini khusus gua buat pake photoshop.emang rumit dan makan waktu banyak but the final ressult is muchh better than.
gambarnya di photo menggunakan camera canon dan water refflection itu gua bikin sendiri,oke, baru belajar sih,project pertama water refflection andd...

Water Refflection

this is it :3 !

but ada something strange that seems a bit troubled here, so just let's finish it. gue nambahin sedikit touchdown app photo editor and FYI app nya bisa di dapet di Chrome store :D

DONE ! :D

The One which is blossom

uda banyak gambar flower blossom yang gua coba,yang pertama gua gambar "fragile Flower" ,it was turnout well,karena stevani deska memintanya.akhirnya i gave it to her

yang kedua such a fail,yang tadinya pengen gua gambarin background jadinya malah aneh,begitu juga yang 3rd dan ke 4th,ga berhasil dengan baik,flowernya kurang terbentuk

kemaren dari ketua sekbid kesenian,gua direkrut jadi anggotanya,trus gua disuruh gambar apapun yang ada di pikiran gua di selembar kertas,what a surprise,tiba-tiba yang gua pikirin adalah gambar bunga itu.

and ya,ini yang kelima,dan ga nyangka many people said it was good. dan gua juga berharap bisa kali ini berhasil.. oke check it out the 5th "The One which is blossom"

another Junk Edition

An Advice to an Acquaintance

beberapa saat yang lalu,belum lama,gua membuka blog salah seorang kenalan gua dari middle school dulu.

wilayah rumah kami sama,dulu sih pernah beberapa kali main bareng,but ya for me,orang ini agak sedikit intovert.

hemm di post blognya yang udah agak lamaan,tentang bagaimana orang-orang ternyata ga memikirkan perasaannya.

well, hei :d if you read this post,will you take this as an advice?do me a favor too okay?don't tell anyone if you find that this post i've been writing is for you.

satu hal aja,dipikir-pikir,jika kamu adalah seorang manusia,punya perasaan dan mampu berbicara,berbicara apa adanya.jika ingin di hargai orang lain,buatlah agar orang lain mengargai kamu,hem..intinya to the point sih jadilah orang yang open minded.

wajar sih gabisa marah,mungkin dalem hati sendiri ada juga rasa ga enak sama orang lain,gua juga sama :).

tapi terkadang apa yang membuat gua ingin dihargai orang lain adalah gua harus menunjukan pertama-tama gua harus di akui orang lain.kuncinya?...jadinya seseorang yang menonjol di banyak bidang.

berusaha agar terlihat orang lain,caranya mudah kok.

hal lain lagi,jangan biarkan dirimu sendiri diremehkan oleh orang lain bahkan teman-teman mu sendiri.beranilah dalam membuat apa itu commitment diri,jika memang kamu merasa mereka bukan lah teman yang baik dalam mengerti kamu,apalagi kamu sering dkecewakan,beranilah untuk meninggalkan.

say to yourself, i will not too depend on anyone.jika seseorang sudah merasa kamu sangat membutuhkan dia,itulah saat dimana seseorang memandang rendah terhadap dirimu sendiri.

hargai dulu diri mu sendiri,dunia akan memangdang rendah apabila kamu tidak berusaha naik ke atas.

jika kamu memang tidak suka melihat ketidak adilan,ungkapkan itu,karena dimana perasaan itu keluar secara sendirinya mengalir,gua yakin,orang-orang akan mengerti siapa dirimu dan bisa bersikap sebagaimana kamu juga memperlakukan mereka dengan baik.

trust me.tidak akan terjadi ketidakseimbangan.

sekian dulu post ini,and for you,remember,take this as an advice okay ? :)

Goodbye Brielle

ada yang tau, Owl City? yap, Adam Young..

Owen suka banget sama yang namanya Owl City,mulai dari lagunya yang katanya maknanya dalem tapi agak non-sense,suaranya,gayanya dan katanya lagu-lagunya hampir rata-rata semua enak.

namanya Owen, sampe hampir semua lagunya dia tau liriknya,albumnya dan ga bosen-bosen mention adam di twitter.

i have to admit juga sih sebenernya,gua juga suka beberapa lagu Owl City,try to listening to "Deer in the headlights", " Vanilla Twilight" , "TheChristmas song", "Cave in", "fireflies". ya itu aja deh dulu yang bisa gua recomend untuk coba dengerin,sebenernya sih masih banyak juga yang gua suka.

btw,Tujuan post ini sebenernya mau ngepost lagu sedihnya adam diantara semua lagu-lagu enak itu.

ini lagu yang kalo menurut gua,paling sendu-sendu gimana ya pokoknya ceritanya ini lagu tentang kematian.

waktu nyiptain lagu ini,nama Owl City sebelumnya itu Sky Sailing.Adam sempet nyanyiin lagu judulnya "Brielle".gua suka lagunya,bukan karena maknanya tapi gatau kenapa kata-kata Adam disini mendalam.berikut ini liriknya :

 Brielle 

There's a handwritten note pressed in the door of her screened in porch

And I am sailing away recalling that day miles from shore

She was still wearing white and robins egg blue, Her grandmother's dress

When I left early this year, how I wound up here is anyone's guess

When the new sites grow old and I start to feel cold I'll sail home again

Goodbye Brielle

Only whispers can tell

Of the sweet dreams that we knew so well

I'll see you around our dear ocean town

The frozen days we set ablaze

Sent me drifting away

Like a butterfly, I floated by and now I'm alone

I wish I knew when I'll be back again

So until then I wish you well

My dear Brielle

Strolling over the sand, cobblestone paths that wind through the trees

Breathing the sweet forest air makes a shy boy aware that he could be free

When the new sites grow old and I start to feel cold I'll sail home again

Goodbye Brielle

Only whispers can tell

Of the sweet dreams that we knew so well

I'll see you around our dear ocean town

The frozen days we set ablaze

Sent me drifting away

Like a butterfly, I floated by and now I'm alone

I wish I knew when I'll be back again

So until then I wish you well

So until then I wish you well

For the time being farewell

My dear Brielle

jadi, ceritanya di lagu ini bisa di andaikan Adam kehilangan kekasihnya karena meninggal,kata-katanya susah di mengerti dan gua juga baru tau cerita dari lagu ini karena temen gua itu ceritain panjang lebar.kalo penasaran gimana lagunya bisa di coba cari di youtube

Fragile Flowers

this is my another creation.
made in class,11 IPS 1. as my memories,i created this on my own. and this photo was edited by one of my friends : Stevani Deska.

The Boys Side

1. Owen . K
we were go to the same kindergarden.He is totally freak and calm,however he is very realistic about every problems through me.His advice,is just simple as that but i know actually he would really mean that.
as far i learn how to life with simplicity.a bboy and his move totally really look alike robot.

2. Ferry.S
funnier than the other,a very simple person and a bit shy. i've got to know him since 1st grade of primary school.he has no idea when it comes to advice, but then,he will support what is the right one.

actually,it's one more person, Giovanni Jeremy but since i don't have his photo taken with me so next time may be i'll update this post

V.A.C.S

a letter from candle

it's alright.that's enough now...
you see,you'll be happier then..you promised me to choose what makes you happy.
you made the choice that will make you happy, right?
that's enough then.
from now on,don't turn back,and don't feel sorry for me
just think about being happy,from now on because you definitely need to be happy, okay?
you really have to live well, okay?
promise me, you'll become the happiest person in the world.
that's enough..
i thought i had overcome all there was to overcome, but there's is still more left to overcome
i though i had hurt as much i could hurt, but there's still left more my self to hurt...
a letter from candle will never just get enough, but there's is still a warmness of a candle light.
even it's just a small candle,trying for stand all the time over that all through,
still,it will come,the time,when a candle light must meet the fate, the fate of swept away,that moment...
when a candle is only just a molten wax.
but a small candle light, wish that all of her friends, will remember just the warmness she could gave from the very start of born

My forever dream

it's been a long time since i haven't post about song.
post ini bener2 gua bikin malem, sekarang itu sekitar jam 1an.oiya,gua lagi nonton serial drama korea judulnya "Baker king" and suddenly,ada ost lagunya yang for me it's good to listen.
here is it,

MY FOREVER DREAM

it's okay if i'm lonely
doesn't matter if things are hard,
it's okay...
love will fly my heart
today i'll live in this world
look,isn't this working just fine
i can see you whenever i close my eyes
now i can hear that voice
by my ear,walking toward you
just the dream i have every single day
if i can live with you like that
i would be able to stand up again
that happiness in your precious memory
will let you feel the warmth even during difficult time..
to me , hope is a dream that never falls asleep
swallowing my sorrows in the midst of pain like this
i will show you my smiling face, it doesn't hurt anymore
i always hold the dreams i want to fulfill with you
and i'll call you from the distance i could never go
this is my forever dream.


this is so touching apalagi mix with some scene yang emg mengharukan.this is one of korean song that i have to admit i love to listening it.the music , i almost dream 'bout playin' with my piano

This is how we live

Have i ever mentioned before?that i have very bestfriend.this time,i'm going to post the girls first.

1. Clairine Irawan.

well i would like all of you to guess,which one she is and i'll give the hint.

she use glasses,the very cheerfull looking one,the most of my time i spent with her.

for me,this one is the best at giving advice,she's not afraid to be true with me,she's not fake like the other did.I've knew her since i was only around 5 yo i guess.oh,1st grade of primary school.she has a lot talent,as i know,she do art,music (guitar,piano),graphic design,singing,and also logic things.she goes to sains anyway.as  a friend,i'm very proud of her achievements

2.Sanny Kirana

this one is the calm one when it comes to problems through me.but the most sweetest thing that i get from her is the fact that she never leave my side.she's the oriental looking one,with two narrow eyes and athletic female body (i guess).i'm glad to have her always be in my side.altough,she's not a subjective person,she always act fair and objective to everyone,this personalty that i've admit so much from her.such a leo sign,she is always up for a challange 

3.Vinasia Tjiputra

i do have a lot arugements because we have different opinion but still,she is always thought me a lot of things.i've met her since i was a kindergarden student.she's the good looking one,with long black hair and a smiley person,and skinny white skin.the most thing that i admit her,that she always come to forgive.we also being together and through so many things.may be people may think she's not that close to me but to annouce the fact,both of us is very close even my mom closeto her mom too.oh no,my mom is close to claire's mom as well as sanny's mom too :)

The Ultimate Goal

- Menjadi Kepala Bukan Ekor-
ini adalah sebuah judul buku dimana buku ini baik diperuntukan atau dibaca oleh para remaja atau pemuda yang sedang dalam proses mencari tujuan akhir.
kata-kata yang sungguh tertanam dalam hati gua adalah, " We cannot become what we want to be, by remaining what we are"
setelah membaca buku ini gua mendapat banyak masukan yaitu bagaimana caranya menjadi sukses dengan menjadi diri sendiri dan percaya akan kemampuan karena kemampuan atau kelebihan adalah suatu karunia yang dikasih Tuhan dalam hidup setiap manusia agar manusia itu mengoptimalkan fungsi kelebihan tersebut dan menjadi yang terbaik diantara para pesaing yang ahli dibidangnya.
sebuah ilustrasi,
           ketika seorang pencipta menciptakan kursi,tentu fungsinya itu ditentukan sendiri oleh penciptanya,yaitu untuk duduk dan pencipta tidak akan menciptakan jika ia tidak punya tujuan dari penciptaan yang dia lakukan.
sebagaimana,hal ini sama dengan Tuhan,Ia menciptakan manusia dan Ia sendiri pula yang menentukan fungsi manusia itu sendiri dan hidup ini adalah tentang apa yang Tuhan inginkan daripada kita.
Tuhan memberikan kita masing-masing fungsi yang berbeda,mengoptimalkan fungsi kita pada bidang masing-masing dan menjadikan itu sebagai pekerjaan untuk melayani Tuhan karena kita sebagai hamba Tuhan.
gua sering mengalami hal dimana gua mempunyai kemampuan tapi bingung gimana cara mengoptimalkan fungsi kemampuan gua dengan baik.seperti halnya orang lain,terkadang kempampuan atau fungsi gua hanya dikaitkan dengan sekedar "HOBBY" aja tanpa gua sadari bahwa berawal dari hobby sesuatu yang dioptimalkan pada akhirnya menjadi hal besar,kembali sesuai dengan fungsi diri kita masing-masing.
berupaya meniru apa yang dilakukan orang lain hanya karena orang itu lebih baik gak akan berhasil untuk membuat diri kita sebaik orang itu,tentu aja karena kita punya fungsi yang berbeda.
gua,dalam pemikiran gua,guaitu seorang yang extrovert,gua gak takut untuk membuka pikiran gua sendiri dan pendapat gua ke orang lain dan sebagaimana gua jg suka memberikan masukan kepada suatu hasil orang lain,gua juga suka mengatur sesuatu agar menjadi lebih baik menurut gambaran gua dan gua juga ga takut untuk menerima masukan orang lain meskipun terkadang beberapa masukan ga benar,tetapi sebagai manusia ,masukan itu penting untuk disyukuri.itulah kenapa,gua menjadi diri gua sendiri sekarang :)
gua bangga punya banyak hobby,gua suka menggambar,main musik,main basket,gua juga suka photography,bahkan fashion dan gua berusaha mengoptimalkan kemampuan gua ini yang pada akhirnya itulah tujuan akhir hidup gua,gua punya impian yang lebih besar untuk diri gua sendiri dibandingan dengan impian orang tua gua terhadap anaknya.gua punya banyak fungsi dalam diri gua yang akan gua gunakan untuk menuju impian gua itu,dan ketika gua mencapai impian gua itu,gua akan menggunakannya untuk melayani Tuhan sebagaimana Tuhan mau dari gua.pada saat itulah,gua akan meraih impian sejati.

" AND I REALIZE NOW,THAT YOU CAN'T BE ANYONE ELSE,AND NOBODY CAN BE YOU AS GOOD AS YOU,CAUSE GOD CREATED YOU TO BE YOU,AND ONLY YOU CAN BE YOU"

akhir kata..., JUST BE YOURSELF :)

Brands

talking about brands,Louis Vuitton,Prada,Hugo Boss,Channel,Burberry,Versace,Esprit,Ambassador,Emporio Armani,Guess all so familiar and originally western side.Western became the First everlasting fashion,and i'd have to admit that i've a bit interest in fashion and follow the trends sometimes.and these are some Brand which i like the Most  :

it's not like the Brands is that simple so i comes to like them,but because the product they made are most comfy and most type of the style is really my taste.for example this one is the the new collection of winter outcome 2012/2013.this is totally my taste and i really love it :) 

and the Bag which stole my mind : 

and i'm going to ask my mom whether i'm allowed to buy some for Christmas or not.

Jersey

well Hello :D.
what have been made me so excited for the hole day,starting from monday this week is becuse i just got 2 new jerseys.
this time we got LYNX style and i got number #10

here we goooo...

 and this is my number...
i love the white one more :D

A Small Candle light

today, i was asked by a teacher " what's the symbol of your life? ".
i keep to think, "actually,who am i..."
i had very bad memories,veryverybad and i just couldn't be deal with. i'm to afraid to tell them, to tell everyone that i was once hated by every child in my class.back to when i was in 1st grade of school,it was my first time to be in school,and just like an innocent child would do, i was tried to made friends.
since i was a child,i love to made friends,no matter what they are,no matter what their status, religion, and what clan and even my family said that i have to always put first priority to my own parts but i really want to make friends,
some friends that my mom can accept it are only claire,vina,sanny,owen,ferry,and gio.the friends that being with me since i was only a toodler.and else,she'll never let me being to close
then, now.I have so many friends,and i can say that thy're close enough to me,glad to have them with me even my mom often to keep warn me and sometimes not even let me to hang out with them without one of my lifetime friends be with me to but i do really happy..
altough i've know that not everyone can stand by my friendly act.Some may be upset and feels disturbed.
i've had tried my best to warm,to keep smile,to keep being friendly and no matter what i won't hate people and the fact that i even couldn't but i know,
NOT EVERYONES GOING TO USE A CANDLE LIGHT FOR THEIR LIGHTING IN THE DARK.
i dream of to be a candle,to use my strenght to be the light for who's in the dark,but also i have to admit that not everyone going to be accept and like you easily,Xaveria Agnes Faustine Sanjaya :")

It's quite a lot i've been gone through judgement.Some judge me before they know about me,judge me because my act just because i am noisy,geek,nerd,and so do i...
but the most hurting part, they judge me before they know who am i.and without asking me they spread they hates feeling and here i am, can't even hate them who did dig up my heart and it's hurt.
i want to hate,but how....i've always end up being hurt and hated by the doer and yet,i can't hate cause i know,there's no point of hating them even if i can.
so....
hate me as much as you want,judge me as much as you want before i can avenge what you did to me before :")

Lesson

you know,letting go isn't that easy for someone to feel it,to do it,especially to experience it.
but sometimes,there's a thing that all people can't maintain to be theirs forever,that's why each learn to let go of.
to be honest.i can't stand it.really.
what's the point of letting go?and if i should but couldn't...
come to think if i had a strenght what kind of strenght i would use,say,it would be strength to turning back time.so that i could fix any mistake i've made.but against it all,human would be perfect without any mistake ,regrets and they gotta will never learns something from life.
i've learned,i've experienced it all,even just once it'd so hard and even i can't holding back my tears,how silly.
my friends said i'm so unusual and they said i've changed from someone that have a lot of joy and careless to be someone that try hardest to built up strenght.
i don't want to,i really don't want to be a weak girl,a weak person that everyone would know i've sacraficed.
what's the point of having everyone have eyes one me,looking at me with that sad and mourn feeling.
i've come to think ,it's gonna be a very good lesson that everyone makes mistake,incluiding me.
being strong isn't that instant,being hurt once isn't enough.
In order to become strong and to find what truly belongs to you, there will be a process you must overcome.
after you're strong enough,there,would be harder than before on order to make you stronger.
and i....will be become a strong person,because of lesson that i've experienced.
painful,hardness,even smiling is so hard for you.
even you had to wear a big mask on your face,heavy also.

When You're Gone

I always needed time on my own
I never thought I’d need you there when I cry
And the days feel like years when I’m alone
And the bed where you lie is made up on your side

When you walk away I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now

When you’re gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you’re gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you’re gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day and make it ok
I miss you

I’ve never felt this way before
Everything that I do reminds me of you
And the clothes you left, they lie on the floor
And they smell just like you, I love the things that you do

When you walk away I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now

We were made for each other
Out here forever
I know we were, yeah
All I ever wanted was for you to know
Everything I’d do, I’d give my heart and soul
I can hardly breathe I need to feel you here with me, yeah

Back to December

i’m so glad you made time to see me
How’s life, tell me how’s your family?
I haven’t seen them in a while

You’ve been good, busier than ever
We small talk, work and the weather
Your guard is up and I know why

Because the last time you saw me 
I still burned in the back of your mind
You gave me roses and I left them there to die

So this is me swallowing my pride
Standing in front of you saying I’m sorry for that night
And I go back to December all the time
It turns out freedom ain’t nothing but missing you 
Wishing I’d realized what I had when you were mine 
I’d go back to December turn around and make it all right
I’d go back to December all the time

These days I haven’t been sleeping 
Staying up playing back myself leaving 
When your birthday passed and I didn’t call

Then I think about summer all the beautiful times
I watched you laughing from the passenger side
And realized I loved you in the fall

And when the cold came, the dark days
When fear crept into my mind
You gave me all your love and all I gave you was goodbye

So this is me swallowing my pride
Standing in front of you saying I’m sorry for that night
And I go back to December all the time
It turns out freedom ain’t nothing but missing you 
Wishing I’d realized what I had when you were mine 
I’d go back to December turn around and change my own mind
I’d go back to December all the time

I miss your tan skin, your sweet smile, so good to me, so right
And now you held me in your arms that September night
The first time you ever saw me cry

Maybe this is wishful thinking
Probably mindless dreaming 
If you loved again I swear I’d love you right 

I’d go back in time and change it but I can’t
So if the chain is on your door, I understand

But this is me swallowing my pride
Standing in front of you saying I’m sorry for that night
And I go back to December
It turns out freedom ain’t nothing but missing you 
Wishing I’d realized what I had when you were mine 
I’d go back to December turn around and make it all right
I’d go back to December turn around and change my own mind
I’d go back to December all the time

All the time

your love was a lie

I fall asleep by the telephone
It’s 2 O’clock and I’m waiting up alone
Tell me where have you been?
I found a note with another name
You blow a kiss, but it just don’t feel the same
Cause I can feel that you’re gone

I can’t bite my tongue forever
While you try to play it cool
You can hide behind your stories
But don’t take me for a fool

You can tell me that there’s nobody else
(But I feel it)
You can tell me that you’re home by yourself
(But I see it)
You can look into my eyes and pretend all you want
But I know
Your love is just a lie
It’s nothing but a lie 

You look so innocent
But the guilt in your voice gives you away
Yeah you know what I mean
How does it feel when you kiss when you know that i trust you
And do you think about me when he fucks you?
Could you be more obscene?

So dont try to say you’re sorry
Or try to make it right
Don’t waste your breath because it’s too late, it’s too late.

You can tell me that there’s nobody else
(But I feel it)
You can tell me that you’re home by yourself
(But I see it)
You can look into my eyes and pretend all you want
But I know, I know,
Your love is just a lie
It’s nothing but a lie
You’re nothing but a lie

You can tell me that there’s nobody else
(But I feel it)
You can tell me that you’re home by yourself
(But I see it)
You can look into my eyes and pretend all you want
But I know, I know
Your love is just a lie
I know you’re nothing but a lie

Your love is just a lie

designed by me 2

those are my officially design.was specially made for Clairine Irawan

Secepatnya

secepatnya saja waktu berlalu,lebih baik daripada berjalan perlahan tapi mengiris-iris hati sedikit demi sedikit.ketika waktu berlalu,maka semuanya akan hilang.
lebih baik hilang secepatnya,pergilah secepatnya.
luar biasa,membayangkan bagaimana waktu dapat mengubah seseorang secepat ini.
ketika waktu itu gua gamau waktu cepat berlalu,dan berusaha membuat kebahagiaan untuk orang lain,sekarang itu semua hanyalah sebauh tulisan dipasir yang di hapus oleh ombak.
ini ga lebih dari sekedar harapan palsu,ga lebih dari sekedar onggokan kertas lecek disamping sampah-sampah lainnya.
apa yang harusnya terjadi,maka gua mau itu cepat terjadi.cepat pergi,akan lebih baik untuk gua bernapas secara lega.
ya,satu setengah tahun lagi.cepatlah waktu berlalu.

sebodoh itukah..?

kadang gua benci diri gua sendiri yang terlalu bodoh,terlalu nurut dan terlalu berpasrah.
pernah ga sih merasa memikirkan orang lain,yang bahkan orang lain itu ga mau buang-buang waktu untuk mikirin balik.
rasanya sakit,
tau rasanya di buang?di ludahi dan di anggap bodoh?
mungkin itu yang sekarang gua rasain,gua merasa sangat bodoh untuk mempercayai sesuatu yang bahkan sama sekali ga ada titik kebenarannya,ya seharusnya gua membenci,tapi lagi-lagi gua merasa gua terlalu bodoh untuk masih menaruh rasa simpati.
seandainya gua bisa mengontrol waktu dan kehidupan,mungkin gua berharap kalo gua ga perlu masuk ke dalam suatu ruangan hampa seperti saat ini,harusnya dari dulu-dulu aja gua keluar mencari kesenangan dengan banyak orang,bukan dengan orang seperti dia.
sulit di akui,ini udah kaya narkoba,tapi gua emang terlanjur terlalu bergantung.bodohnya gua,apa sih yang hati gua mau bahkan gua gabisa paham.
ketika di saat puncak kebahagiaan lu dan tiba-tiba lu di dorong jatuh perlahan-lahan dan belum lagi terluka-luka karena terhantam bebatuan kecil.gua rasa,bahkan bayanginnya aja rasanya sakit,gimana gua yang mengalaminya.
ketika lu berkorban banyak dengan maksud untuk memberi tanpa pamrih,dan pada akhirnya lu menyesal,seharusnya dia tau seberapa besar pengorbanan lu sehingga gak sepantasnya dia membuang,mengkusutkan hati yang seharusnya ga pantas di perlakukan seperti itu
sebodoh itukah gua sampai dibodohi sejauh ini bahkan dengan orang yang sangat-sangat dipercaya dan sangat-sangat dekat.
secepat itukah waktu ingin gua berubah menjadi orang lain ?
gua benci sandiwara,tapi kalau emang itu yang harus gua lakukan supaya tidak dipandang sebagai sibodoh yang selalu berkorban dan pada akhirnya tidak dianggap,berarti gua harus menjadi lebih pintar dan alangkah lebih baiknya,gua ga perlu memiliki hati,
lebih baik tidak memiliki hati daripada memiliki tapi hanya untuk disakiti dan dilubangi.
gua terlalu bodoh untuk mempercayai,terlalu bodoh untuk perduli dan terlalu bodoh untuk menyimpan perasaan,tapi sebodoh-bodohnya gua,tolong jangan sebegitu egoisnya memperlakukan gua kaya sampah.
sekarang gua ngerti apa itu evolusi,dari manusia yang terlalu baik dan bodoh,lebih baik menjadi manusia yang melindungi diri sendiri,dan cara apapun akan gua lakukan untuk melindungi diri gua sekarang ga peduli siapa yang gau hadapi.
ketika kepercayaan itu seperti kertas,waktu hancur lecek dan robek,ga akan mengembalikan itu seperti dulu lagi,maka gua pun begitu...

maaf,aku tidak sengaja

Aku tidak sengaja jatuh cinta. Aku tidak sengaja mencuri-curi pandang ketika aku bersama kamu. Dan ketika kamu melihat ke arahku, aku tidak sengaja membuang pandanganku sejauh-jauhnya, lebih jauh dari rekor lempar lembing yang pernah tercipta, hanya untuk tetap menjaga kamu tidak tahu aku sedang memandangmu.

Aku tidak sengaja merasa senang berada dalam satu momen bersamamu. Aku tidak sengaja mengharapkan kamu ada ketika kamu dan aku tidak dalam ruang dan waktu yang sama. Celingukanku membuktikannya.

Aku tidak sengaja berharap semua barang yang kupinjamkan padamu tidak kamu kembalikan sekaligus. Aku tidak sengaja berharap kamu meminjam satu barang lagi dariku setiap kamu mengembalikan barang lainnya. Semuanya tidak sengaja beralasan agar kita tetap bertemu.

Aku tidak sengaja mengaktifkan phenylethylamine dari sistem limbik otakku saat dekat kamu. Dan itu memicu euphoria. Aku tidak sengaja sangat suka suara tawamu terhadap leluconku. Ketika kamu aku goda, aku tidak sengaja nyaman menerima cubitan manja kamu yang mendarat di perutku. Aku tidak sengaja panik jika kehabisan bahasan obrolan ketika aku berbincang dengan kamu. Rasanya dimensi waktu lari terbirit-birit jika aku sedang bersama kamu, seolah kebersamaan aku dan kamu begitu menakutkan bagi waktu.

Aku tidak sengaja menawarkan baju hangatku ketika kamu kedinginan. Ah, aku tidak sengaja terus membayangkan wangi parfummu yang tertinggal di baju hangatku. Terus menerus, hingga pagi menjelang, handphone-ku adalah yang pertama ku-check. Aku tidak sengaja kecewa jika ada SMS namun bukan kamu pengirimnya. Aku tidak sengaja khawatir jika tidak tahu kabarmu.

Demi Tuhan, aku tidak sengaja uring-uringan ketika kamu tidak ada di tempat biasanya ketika aku cari. Aku tidak sengaja mencari tahu banyak hal tentangmu.

Aku tidak sengaja jatuh cinta kepadamu. Aku tidak sengaja benci membayangkan ini semua hanya pesan yang gagal aku decode dengan baik. Pesan yang kamu kirimkan begitu rumit, atau alat pen-decode-ku yang kalut tertutupi canggung, takut, rindu, cemas, harap, dan kawan-kawannya?

Aku tidak sengaja menjadikanmu “karena” dalam setiap “mengapa” yang bermuara di benakku.

Maaf, aku tidak sengaja…

Kamu tidak harus sengaja untuk jatuh cinta.

*Dua teori yang pernah aku dengar: 1) Otak tidak bisa menerima kata ‘tidak’ 2) Tiada ketidaksengajaan di dunia ini.

source :  http://daraprayoga.wordpress.com/

you know.....

You know you’re in love when you can’t keep your eyes off of her.

You know you’re in love when you can’t get your eyes off of her.

You know you’re in love when you do everything to find out her name.

You know you’re in love when you really want to have a chat with her even though she doesn’t know you at all.

You know you’re in love when anything about her becomes the most important knowledge to you.

You know you’re in love when you hate that you got no idea about her.

You know you’re falling in love when you really hope she has a twitter account so that you can follow her and know many things about her.

You know you’re in love when you really expect your facebook friend request to be confirmed.

You know you’re in love when you really want her to update her twitter or facebook page.

You know you’re in love when you check her facebook page all the time.

You know you’re in love when you’re seeing her picture on and on and you can’t stop at all.

You know you’re in love when you wait for her online nervously.

You know you’re in love when you don’t want to delete all the comments and messages from her.

You know you’re in love when you see her then your heartbeat’s sound is being louder and louder, but you’re voice becomes quieter and quieter.

You know you’re in love when you can’t talk in front of her at all, but you know you really want to.

You know you’re in love when you want to make her smile all the time, as much as you can.

You know you’re in love when her pheromone becomes your new favorite smell.

You know you’re in love when you hope the rain wouldn’t stop when you and her take shelter.

You know you’re in love when you feel the time is going so fast, even too fast, when you’re with her.

You know you’re in love when ‘goodbye’ becomes the hardest word to be said and ‘hello’ becomes the word that you would really miss.

You know you’re in love when your phone rings and you hope it’s her.

You know you’re in love when the phrase “nobody is perfect” becomes a bullshit because she’s perfect for you.

You know you’re in love when you feel there’s nothing left when you’re with her. You know you’re in love when you realize that your writing contains so many “you know you’re in love”.

wise sunday

"life is easy"
mungkin semua pernah denger kata-kata ini ya,tapi yang ada di benak gua justru malah ternyata hidup itu ga sesederhana itu. bagi beberapa orang pasti ada sesuatu yang justru jadi "Turning Point" di hidupnya.
oke.kalimatnya ribet.
jadi gini,misalnya ya,ambil contoh gua.
sederhananya,gua ini adalah seorang gadis pelajar yang tugasnya meniti masa depan dengan fokus dan belajar dengan tekunnya.banyak orang bilang kalo hidup itu mudah,yang bikin sulit itu karena kita sendiri yang bikin susah.
yaa emang ada benernya,tapi ga bisa juga hidup itu kita pandang dengan sebelah mata.
rumitnya,seorang gadis itu punya banyak perasaan,kebanyakan sensitive dan halus ,gampangnya mudah tersentuh deh.nah,intinya seorang gadis itu memliki berbagai macam perasaan dalam dirinya yang gabisa diungkapkan dengan mudah.rasanya sulit dan bahkan buat deskripsiin sendiri aja gua ga ngerti gimana bisa di ceritain? yaga?
hemm disinilah sulitnya hidup seorang gadis,ga cuma punya kewajiban sebagai pelajar tapi kita juga harus bergelut dengan perasaan sendiri.
so,kalo nyangkut soal perasaan,gabiasa kan kita tolak dan membuang jauh-jauh?seegois-egoisnya manusia,perasaan itu paling deket banget sama diri manusia,ya begitulah definisi menurut gua.jadi,gabisa dibilang gua yang mempersulit diri gua kan?
hidup itu sebuah anugerah,dan ga boleh kita pandang sebelah mata,kesulitan dalam hidup itu pasti ada,cuma tergantung gimana cara kita mengatasinya dan menjadikan itu mudah bagi kita :D

Don't Love You No More

For all the years that I’ve known you baby
I can’t figure out the reason why lately you’ve been acting so cold

If there’s a problem we should work it out
So why you giving me the cold shoulder now
Like you don’t even wanna talk to me boy

OK I know I was late again
I made you mad and dinners thrown in the bin
But why are you making this thing drag on so long

I’m sick and tired of this silly game
Don’t think that I’m the only one here to blame
It’s not me here who’s been going round slamming doors
That’s when you turned and said to me
I don’t care babe who’s right or wrong
I just don’t love you no more.

Rain outside my window pouring down
What now, your gone, my fault, I’m sorry
Feeling like a fool cause I let you down
Now it’s, too late, to turn it around
I’m sorry for the tears I made you cry
I guess this time it really is goodbye
You made it clear when you said
I just don’t love you no more

I know that I made a few mistakes
But never thought that things would turn out this way
Cause I’m missing something now that your gone
Me at the door with you in a state

Giving my reasons but as you look away
I can see a tear roll down your face
That’s when you turned and said to me
I don’t care babe who’s right or wrong
I just don’t love you no more.

Rain outside my window pouring down
What now, your gone, my fault, I’m sorry
Feeling like a fool cause I let you down
Now it’s, too late, to turn it around
I’m sorry for the tears I made you cry
I guess this time it really is goodbye
You made it clear when you said
I just don’t love you no more

Those simple words hit so hard
They turned my whole world upside down
Girl, you caught me completely off guard
On that night you said to me
I just don’t love you no more